


Life of Laura

by Marzos (orphan_account)



Series: Hourglass [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 09:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3442913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Marzos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura and Carmilla's life together, through a series of Laura's birthdays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life of Laura

_The 22nd_

The night went by in a frenzy of alcohol, Dr. Who marathons and scarfing down almost an entire cake. And Laura was at the center of it all (of course she was, it was her party) drinking and dancing and at one point even raising her TARDIS mug in a drinking song.

But the best part of the party (and really the best part of her life) was Carmilla.

Everytime she felt like her mind was starting to wander to that inevitable conclusion--when there was a lull in the conversation, or Laura had retreated to the bathroom and was standing at the sink--there was Carmilla. She’d feel the vampire’s arms wrap around her waist, her cheek pressing into the side of her head.

“You look so beautiful tonight babe,” she would whisper, and Laura would just cuddle into her embrace.

And Laura would turn around, so practiced that Carmilla did not even need to let go, and she kissed her.

“Believe it or not I’m going to miss it here.” Laura said later, when the others had gone and it was just the two of them in bed. Laura leaned against her girlfriend’s chest, Carmilla stroking her hairline softly. The other bed remained untouched; they had stopped sleeping separately years ago.

“Really? What will you miss the most?” Carmilla answered dryly, “The killer books? The boneheaded jocks? Or maybe the alchemy club’s attempts to make spontaneous combustion?”

“You know what I mean,” Laura said with a pout, “There’s just…” She grabbed

Carmilla’s hand, kissing it. “There’s a lot of good memories too, don’t you think?”

“Mmm. I suppose there is--Crap!” She got up suddenly, and Laura soured when her head hit the bed.

“What is it?”

“The birthday tradition of course.” She reached behind the fridge and pulled out a bottle of champagne.

Laura rolled her eyes but smiled. “Carm, you get me to drink that with you all the time.”

“I know, but we always have a glass together on your birthday.” She insisted. She poured the drink into the flutes, holding one out to her.

“Remember the first time you had a glass of champagne with me? What you said to me?” Laura asked as they sipped.

“You mean when I was trying to seduce you and you were trying to kidnap me? I remember.”

Laura smiled sheepishly, looking at the champagne glass in her hand. “Yeah...you know, I had an idea.”

Carmilla took a sip, admiring the taste for a moment. “What?”

There was a mischievous smirk in Laura's eyes as she got up. “Let’s reenact it.”

“Reenact it?” Carmilla repeated, wrinkling her nose and causing Laura to get defensive. 

“Yeah! I don’t know...I think it’ll be funny. Sort of like a ‘this is how we were, look at us now’ kind of thing!”

“It may have been fun for you cupcake, but it wasn’t for me.”

“Oh, c’mon Carmilla. It’ll be like a birthday present.”

“It’s after midnight, so technically…”

_“Carm.”_

“Fine.” Carmilla answered at last, “But only because I love you.”

“Yep, you do.” Laura answered with a smile, and settled into the chair in front of the laptop. She patted the spot next to her on the bed and Carmilla sighed before settling there. “Well…?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Well don’t you look like a huge dork.”

“That is _not_ what you said!”

“Well this is stupid.”

“Excuse me for wanting to celebrate the progress of our relationship.” Laura pouted. Carmilla raised an eyebrow, and Laura chuckled, looking away.

“You’re right Carm, I’m sorry. It is stupid.” She looked back at her girlfriend and was startled. Her gaze was suddenly more intense, more...predatory. “Carm…?”

“God, what am I doing?” She seemed to say to herself, her voice husky and deep. Laura blushed. “Naive, provincial girl…”

Laura realized what Carmilla was doing and held her gaze.

“Entirely too tightly wound...such a cliche…I ought to know better.” God, her voice was sexy. It was probably illegal in some countries for a voice to be that sexy.

“Th-thanks.” Laura said, trying to play the part. Now Carmilla leaned in even closer; her lips grazed her ear.

“And yet there’s something--” And Laura couldn’t take it anymore.

The glass fell to the floor with a splash but Laura didn’t care. Carmilla’s shirt was soaked with champagne, but she didn’t care either.

“Now that’s what I call progress.” Carmilla breathed, pulling away for a moment.

“Shut up and let me kiss you.” Laura answered, and Carmilla obliged. It was minutes later that they finally broke apart, panting, and Carmilla continued to kiss along Laura’s collarbone. Laura still couldn’t believe that Carmilla’s touches could be so soft and _gentle_.

“Carm...we need to clean up this mess…” The vampire gave a little, impatient whine, but acquiesced. As Laura got up and began gathering paper towels to sop up the champagne, Carmilla took a moment to admire her.

“Can you believe we’ve been together for three years?” She asked, in a rare moment of sincerity. “It feels like I only met you yesterday.”

Laura frowned, so quickly that only a vampire’s acute eyes could have noticed. “I know. I can’t believe it either.”

Carmilla, now an expert in the many moods of Laura Hollis (not that it was that difficult) kneeled down.

“Hey, look at me.” The woman looked up from her cleaning. Carmilla took her chin gently in her hand.

“I love you so much,” Carmilla said. “We have so much time Laura. I can’t wait to spend it with you.” She kissed her forehead. “Happy birthday cutie.”

And Laura smiled, and kissed her, because as always Carmilla said exactly what she needed to hear.

They had time.  

_The 25th_

“Waaaake up buttercuuuup…”

“Mmm...Carm...seriously?”

“Time to wake cupcake. Big two-five. Don’t you want to celebrate?”

“Not at your crazy vampire hours...and...when did you let yourself in?” The blonde rolled over, burying her head in her pillow.

“You leave me no choice then.” Laura was rolled off the bed, falling on her head. She saw Carmilla holding her blanket triumphantly in the air.

“Hey cupcake, your fault for giving me a key to your place.”

“I didn’t think I should be afraid of letting my girlfriend into my house!”

“Please. I actually forced myself to sleep last night so we could spend the day together. I have everything planned.” Laura’s anger was momentarily forgotten when Carmilla held out a manicured hand. Laura took it, eyeing her suspiciously. “You mean...it’s not like, two in the morning?”

“On the contrary, it is six. A perfect time for me to make you breakfast.” She jerked Laura’s arm, pulling her up and capturing the woman’s lips in a kiss in one swift movement. “Happy birthday beautiful.”

“Thanks Carm....” Laura blushed, eliciting a smirk from the vampire. Six years together, and Carmilla was proud that she could still make her girlfriend blush like that. Realizing what she had said, Laura held her at arm’s length. “You’re _really_ going to cook? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cook anything that didn’t involve a microwave.”

“Laura, please. I am over three hundred years old. I can cook breakfast on a stove...well, except for the bacon, that is in the microwave. But you shower and get dressed and I promise I’ll have pancakes covered in syrup and all the other diabetes causing breakfasts you like.”

Laura grinned. “You know me so well. I love you!” She skipped off into the shower. Carmilla cracked her knuckles.

“Let’s do this. Now how the hell do you make pancakes…”

Laura enjoyed the shower until she smelled the smoke. She ran down, soap still in her hair and clothes inside out.

“Carmilla, are you--WHAT HAPPENED?”

“They kept burning.” She answered flatly.

“Kept? THEY’RE STILL ON FIRE CARM.”

“Oh, That? Sorry.” She looked at them and immediately the flames ceased. “I got frustrated and set them on fire myself.”

Carmilla looked at the ground, embarrassed. Laura just stared at the mess in her kitchen, the dirty dishes and charred pancake batter, before bursting into laughter.

“Carm--Carmilla, I’m sorry, but--I can tell you were trying so hard honey.” She put a hand on her shoulder. “At least we have bacon?”

It was a myth that vampires could not blush. “I accidentally added an extra number on the microwave too.”

Laughing again, Laura kissed her on the cheek and ran to get her car keys.

* * *

They went to this little diner Laura loved that had all you can eat pancakes with gallons of syrup, and the two spent the better part of the morning snuggled together in a corner booth before Carmilla suggested they step out.

“I got more for us to do buttercup.” She said as they walked out, “I am determined to make sure nothing else goes wrong.”

“Well, I hope that you didn’t make lunch or dinner reservations,” Laura said, “Because I’m so stuffed from pancakes I don’t think I can take anymore today.”

“Nope. I have a bit of...different news. Let me drive?”

Laura was a bit suspicious, but tossed her the keys. “Okay…”

“So remember how I said I was looking for a new apartment? I found one. A really nice one.”

“Really? Carm, that’s awesome! Where is it?”

“The nice part of the city. Two bedrooms and bathrooms, nice view of the skyline…”

“Is that where you’re taking me?”

“Yep.”

Laura became excited. Since she had gotten a job they had decided to move away, far away from Silas, however nice some of the memories were. The two thought it’d be good for Laura to have some experience living alone. It was a little weird at first, going from roommates to living separately, but Carmilla stayed over so much she might as well have lived with her anyway.

“Wait…” Laura frowned. “This is kind of far from where I live, isn’t it?”

“Not far from where you work though.”

“I guess…”

Carmilla seemed oddly unfazed by the worry Laura had about their new distance. They drove in silence for a few more minutes until they parked in front of a nice apartment complex.

“Here it is.” Carmilla said, throwing open the door to her apartment. Laura took it in--it _was_ nice.

“Wow Carm. This is amazing.” The walls were painted a pleasant pale blue--her favorite color. From the look of the furniture it was all either newly bought, or Carmilla got a fully furnished home.

“That’s not even the best part.” She said, motioning for Laura to come over. The woman sucked in a breath when she stepped onto the balcony. The view really was beautiful.

“Wow...just wow. This view is like, the best birthday present ever.”

“Glad you like it cupcake. You’ll be spending a lot of time here.” She put her arm around her, pulling her close.

“Carmilla…” Laura bit her lower lip. She didn’t want to ruin the moment but she also couldn’t help wanting to know. “How can you afford this? It must be super expensive.” Carmilla didn’t have a bad career, money wise, but she could hardly see how it could support all of this.

Carmilla averted Laura’s gaze.

“Carmilla, it is not like you to make a really impulsive decision like this, that’s usually my job--”

And then she realized that Carmilla was kneeling. And in her hands was a set of apartment keys.

“It wouldn’t be too expensive if we both lived here,” Carmilla said softly.

Laura was grateful for the rail pressing into her back, because she honestly thought her legs were going to give out and she’d fall. “C-Carm...you’re not...are you--”

“No, I’m not proposing exactly.” Carmilla said. “It’s kind of difficult to find someone willing to marry a human and a vampire. But I do want to spend as much time as we’ve got together. Laura, I think I’d go crazy if I had to spend another night sleeping anywhere else than next to you. Will you move in with me?” She was not sentimental. Honestly the words came out of her mouth clumsy and awkward, and she was afraid Laura would laugh. Instead she pressed a hand to her mouth.  

“Oh my God--oh God Carmilla, of course I will! I can’t believe this is actually happening, wow--holy, this _basically_ means we’re married though, right? I AM MOVING IN WITH A SEX GODDESS.” She covered her mouth when she realized that actually just said ‘sex goddess’ out loud. Carmilla didn’t seem to mind.

“I guess so, cupcake.” She hugged her; she would have kissed her, but Laura was kind of a gibbering, excited mess. “Wow Laura, you’d think we never lived together before.”

“I--I know Carm but--you actually asked me this time--planned it and everything--”

“Hey, I know.” Laura was staining her leather jacket with happy tears, and Carmilla stepped back so she was holding her girlfriend at arm’s length. “So,” she started, with a raising of the eyebrows, “‘Sex Goddess’ huh? I’m going to have to make sure I don’t disappoint you tonight then.”

Laura blushed, then laughed like she was in highschool.

_The 30th_

“Laura…” Carmilla rapped her knuckles on the bedroom door. “Laura, we got reservations. You seriously are going to ruin the entire night because of some stupid argument?”

She waited patiently, and wasn’t disappointed.

“It is not stupid.” She heard Laura sniffle, and Carmilla’s heart almost broke when she realized that Laura was crying.

Almost. Carmilla knew she needed to be strong.

“Cupcake, you know that a locked door isn’t going to stop me right?”

Silence.

“So you can either open up and look like you still are controlling the argument, or I will have to break a perfectly good bedroom door down. And neither of us want that.”

Silence again, for a few agonizing seconds, until the door creaked open.

“See Laura, was that so hard?”

Laura's lips were pressed tightly together. “I don’t want to talk to you. There’s nothing else to talk to you about.”

“Then can we at least not talk at your favorite restaurant that cost and arm and a leg to reserve?”

“Carmilla, this isn’t going to go away.” Laura said, she crossed her arms and frowned. At any other time, on anything less serious, it would have been adorable.

“Why not? I have given you a definite answer. No. I am not turning you. Not going to happen.”

“I don’t understand why!” Laura threw her hands up, pacing around the room in her heels and backless dress. Carmilla sauntered in, leaning against the wall.

“Laura, we’ve talked about this--”

“And you keep telling me what the consequences would be, and I’ve told you I don’t care--”

“Only because you’re not facing them yet.” The vampire answered calmly, “And if you’re wrong?”

“And if I’m not?”

“If you are, I could never live with myself. I’m not taking that chance.”

Laura stopped pacing. She stared straight at Carmilla with an intensity that the vampire had never seen from her before. Laura surged forward and held Carmilla’s face in her hands.

“Carmilla, do you not want to turn me because...because you don’t want to be stuck with me?”

“What? No! Laura, don’t be ridiculous--”

“If you loved me you would understand that this is what I want.” Laura said firmly. She held a hand over her mouth as she struggled not to cry, walking back and sitting on the bed.

Laura couldn’t have hurt her more if she had driven a stake through her heart.

Why couldn’t Laura see that she wasn’t the one who understood? That she was the one who had to watch Laura mourn the deaths of all of her friends and loved ones? That she would never be reunited with them one day?

(Of course Carmilla believed in an afterlife. Why was that anymore unbelievable than vampires?)

“Laura, you are the greatest memory of my entire existence. After everything we’ve been through, how could you say that I don’t love you?”

“Then _turn me_.”

To Laura, Carmilla’s gaze was the coldest thing she’d ever witnessed. “I won’t do it.”

Laura glared right back. “And I won’t watch you slip away from me.”

Carmilla had always been able to calm these thoughts in Laura with embraces and encouraging murmurs of love. This time was different. Something about heading into an entire new decade of life was hard enough for most mortals…

Carmilla lifted her hands, sputtering for a few moments before they dropped back to their sides. “So this is it then? We’re just leaving like this?”

“I guess so. I’m going to go to dinner.”

“Fine.”

“Fine!” Laura hitched her purse onto her shoulder, stalking out. She stumbled slightly in her heels, ruining the effect somewhat, but Carmilla was too upset to laugh.

Neither of them knew exactly what the other meant.

* * *

 

Later that night, when Laura came home to an empty house and cried into her pillow, she was stopped by the breeze of an open window and a familiar, cool pair of hands wrapping around her torso.

“Carm--”

“Shhh. Happy birthday.”

Laura smiled, bittersweet, and turned to face her, their foreheads touching. The kiss was gentle and reaffirming. It hurt to stay, but it hurt too much to leave.

It was the first time being with her had hurt.

* * *

_The 40th_

Carmilla had never realized just how much she had wanted the quiet, domestic life until she had met Laura.  Laura had finally stopped asking to be turned; it was a shaky truce, but a truce nonetheless. It was something that constantly brewed under the surface and Laura was obviously not over it. But for now, the two would rather focus on enjoying the night, and Carmilla was feeling rather proud of herself for putting everything together.

“I can’t believe you got reservations here Carm,” Laura said, “It’s pretty exclusive.”

“I have my methods.” She leaned across the table, taking Laura’s hand in her own. She didn’t look all that different than she did twenty-one years ago in her eyes. She had gotten a few more wrinkles, creases from smiling, but otherwise she hadn’t slowed down.

Laura took her hand away when the waitress came to give their orders.

“Hello, what will you both be having?”

“Oh gosh…” Laura looked at the menu. “Everything sounds so delicious. I don’t know where to start.”

“Steak tartar,” Carmilla said, folding the menu up and handing it to her. Laura looked at her and said she would have the same thing.

“This your first time here?” She asked as the two tried to decide on drinks. Laura smiled at her.

“Yeah, it is. She took me here for my birthday, actually.” She said, gesturing her head to the woman across from her.

“Really? You must be proud to have a daughter that can afford to do that for you.”

Laura’s smile now seemed frozen on her face, eyes widening to the size of their dinner plates. “Oh. Uh…”

Carmilla was focused on not jumping up and ripping the waitress’s throat out. The waitress left the table, luckily, before her baser instincts won out.

The conversation was subdued until the waitress came back with their food, and Carmilla reached up to grab it, not realizing she had bumped her silverware and sent it falling to the floor.

“I’ll get that,” Laura said. She disappeared under the table while the food was being set down, handing it to Carmilla. “Here.”

In that split second Carmilla made a decision. She grabbed the back of Laura’s head with her hand and kissed her, hard and fast. And, no lie, there was a little tongue.

“Thanks cupcake,” she said, and God Laura looked so embarrassed, and sure she probably made Laura’s self-consciousness even worse, but the look on that waitress’s face was _so worth it._

* * *

 

They were both silent in the car on the way home. At first Carmilla thought Laura was upset, and who could blame her? But she saw how Laura was looking at her while biting her lip, and looking away with a smile, bittersweet but a smile nonetheless. Hopefully they could get through the rest of the night.

Carmilla put her keys into the lock, walking into the apartment building, determined to get the incident off her mind. “So Laura, what do you--”

Slam.

With a jolt so sudden it made the vampire yelp, Carmilla was pinned up against the door, which had closed from the impact. She had a sudden surge of irrational fear that this was an intruder, but she was staring into Laura’s eyes and then the side of her head as she attacked her neck with her lips.

“L-Laura…”

The blond said nothing, opting instead to hum into the crook of Carmilla’s neck as she kneaded one of her breasts in her hand. Carmilla gave a sharp intake of breath and Laura finally looked up.

“You need to tell me.” Laura said, as she unbuttoned the grey blazer she wore and threw it onto the floor. “I need you to tell me right now.”

She didn’t need to ask what Laura meant. “I love you.” Carmilla panted, as Laura went back to work, fumbling to get her hand between the door and Carmilla’s back and pull down the zipper. “I love you so much and you are still so, _so_ sexy.”

* * *

 

_The 50th_

Carmilla and Laura learned to appreciate different things, little things. Carmilla had taken to learning music--something she knew the basics of but had never really dedicated herself to. She wrote the song herself and she messed up a couple of times with the chords, but Laura was delighted by it nonetheless.

“Sing it one more time Carm?”

“You liked it?”

“Loved it.”

She gave the guitar a couple of practice strums before singing again, “We could live, forever, and suffer…”

She looked straight at her as she sang; they both sat cross legged in the living room of their home. Laura’s eyes were closed and she smiled softly.

“I don’t know why, but it really does make me feel like I’m back at Silas.” She said when it was done. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” Carmilla answered, and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead.

They looked at each other in comfortable silence until Laura blurted out:

“You know what I would love to do?”

“Anything.”

“Let’s travel.”

“Travel? To where? What about your job?”

“Paris, England, Italy...I always wanted to see Rome…and I have money saved up. Why not? I haven’t left the city in years other than to catch up with everyone.”

She was looking at Carmilla with those puppy dog eyes that, even at fifty, were still just as persuasive.

“...It would be fun. I’d love to visit the Met. I never got a chance to.”

“Exactly!” Laura said, nodding.

“Why the desire all of a sudden, cupcake?”

“Well, you know...I just felt like we should…” She let it linger and Carmilla did not need to ask what she meant.

“Pack up,” she said suddenly. “I am booking a flight tonight.”

* * *

 

_The 60th_

They started traveling, going everywhere Laura had always wanted; it was obvious that she had been saving money for a long time. It seemed like there was always a trip just around the corner after the other was done.

Carmilla didn’t mind. She had enjoyed the domestic life, but she had always loved to travel. Now she had someone to travel with (that she didn’t fear) and that made it even better.

They saw Italy. They went to the Met and Laura spent the day listening intently as Carmilla talked about the paintings and sculptures, telling her stories of life in the 1600s. They pretty much visited every interesting country and then some of the boring ones, because why not? And when they were done with that they went back to Paris to celebrate Laura’s sixtieth, because she was always a sappy romantic and Paris was the city of cliches.

They celebrated, had the cake with the candles, drank the bubbly, and Laura went to bed. Carmilla slipped out the window after she fell asleep.

She stepped out onto the balcony of the hotel and swung her legs over the side of the railing to sit atop it, looking over the view of the city. She took a cigarette out and lit it, because she was a vampire and they didn’t need to breathe anyway.

The city was beautiful. She hadn’t been there since Laura was alive, not even since they met, and Carmilla just wanted to sit all night and stare out at the lights.

And yet, as she took a drag and lifted the cigarette from her lips, the thought couldn’t leave her head. About what it would have been like if they had gotten here sooner. Carmilla closed her eyes and imagined Laura, nineteen years old, her skin still soft and smooth and eyes still bright with flecks of gold that almost sparkled. How she would have needed to pull Carmilla by the wrist because _she_ couldn’t keep up with _her_. How they would have been wrapped up in each other all night and probably some mornings…

But then she shook her head and tried to put those thoughts out of her mind. Because Laura couldn’t help it, that she hadn’t done anything wrong, that she was still the same person she loved and she was trying her best even if things couldn’t be the same way that they were. But it was hard not to close her eyes and see Laura’s face when they had first kissed and just...

Carmilla put the cigarette out and went back inside.

* * *

 

_The 70th_

She was not hungry, not even enough to eat the cake Carmilla had spent all day trying to bake. When she complained of a headache and that she should go to bed, Carmilla anxiously suggested a visit to the doctor.

“Carm sweetie, I’m sure it’s fine,” Laura said with a laugh, “I’m not _sick_ , I’m just _old_.”

When she returned with the news several days later, the woman’s face ashen and knuckles white from how hard she gripped the doorknob, she did not need to say anything. Carmilla rushed forward and hugged her.

“Whatever this is we’ll fight it,” she said, “And I promise I’ll be okay when it’s all over. Alright?”

Laura could only nod her head on the vampire’s shoulder.

* * *

 

_The 71st_

In movies they always made it out that a person on their deathbed could only talk in between paroxysms of coughing and pain. That was a misconception. Laura was quiet, her breath calm but a little louder than it should have been, her voice a whisper with only a hint of raspiness.

Carmilla had tracked down everyone they had known from Silas. They hadn’t kept in touch with all of them--mostly Perry, Danny and LaFontaine--but Laura at one point was such a big part of their lives, mostly by preventing a lack of life, and everyone that could rushed to say their goodbyes.

But Laura needed quiet to be comfortable, and the doctor needed to be pleaded with before allowing Laura’s three best college friends to stay in the room.

“You know Carm, if it wasn’t for Laura I would probably hate your guts right now,” LaFontaine said, trying to lighten the mood, “How did you age so well?” It was a lame attempt, but it was appreciated nonetheless.

Perry handled it the way she always did, trying to get Laura anything that might make her more comfortable, and looking a little lost when there was nothing else she could do.

The most heartbreaking was Danny. She kneeled down at the bedside, holding her dying friend’s hand.

“I loved you so much Laura,” she whispered, “I’m going to miss you.” And Carmilla didn’t have the heart to feel weird about Danny confessing her previous love for Laura right in front of her.

In fact, there was a slight pang of guilt...Danny and Laura could be reunited one day, but Laura would be separated from Carmilla forever...she tried to put it out of her mind.

“Is there anything we can get you honey?” Perry asked. Carmilla took a moment before realizing the comment was directed at her.

“What? No. No, I’m fine.” Well, as fine as she could be. Perry frowned.

She stepped back while they kept taking for an hour, and finally left tearfully when Laura whispered that she was tired and really needed some rest. When the door shut behind them, Laura turned her head to look at the vampire.

“You’ve barely said anything to me all day.”

Carmilla looked out the window, at the walls, _anywhere_ than directly at Laura. “What is there to say?”

Laura closed her eyes for a moment. “I guess there’s nothing you can say that’s different, but it’s still nice to hear it...but I know you. I won’t be mad if you can’t talk about it.”

Carmilla stayed silent for a few long, agonizing minutes.

“You are dying.” She said at last. She couldn’t help but pace the room. “You are going to die on your _fucking_ birthday. You were healthy and dammit you should have lived longer and…” She began to have tears slide down her face. Carmilla was not the type who let tears overtake her; she always fought against them. She pressed her palms against her face and took shaky breaths.

“Shit Laura, I am so sorry...I thought I would be ready for this…”

“It’s okay.” She tried to sit up, but she was too weak and Carmilla took notice and helped her. “Carmilla, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I just...I hope you can forgive me for this.”

“God Laura, no. You will _not_ die thinking that. You are worth all of this. Every painful moment. I will never forget you, alright? I mean look at me. I was a borderline sociopath before I met you. Now I’m crying.”

And it was true. Every sad memory was accompanied by a thousand fantastic ones.

“Can you promise me something then?”

“Anything Laura.”

“Promise me you’ll move on. Not forget me just...don’t let me ruin your life, okay?”

Carmilla leaned over, kissed her forehead. “Do not worry about me cupcake,” she said, “I will have an amazing life. I will kick life’s _ass_. In your honor.”

And Laura chuckled weakly, Carmilla clutching her hand until she slipped away.

* * *

 

_The 72nd_

She spent a good part of the next year in a sort of semi stupor, leaving only to feed and spending all other hours either sleeping or staring up at the ceiling.

Sometimes she thought if she just did nothing but think--she was a philosophy major after all--that she would find the magical epiphany that suddenly washed away all her pain and grief. It didn’t work.

Still, there were some things that could get her out.

Which was why she was drawn to this spot, as irresistibly as her mother had been drawn to Silas every twenty years.

She’d picked the spot herself, a place near the back of the cemetery shaded by large oak trees, so that she could go any time of day and stay as long as she wanted without the sun making her uncomfortable.

The gravestone was simple. The epitaph read ‘Love Will Have its Sacrifice’. She’d loved that song Carmilla had done for her, and it seemed...fitting.

She’d brought a bottle of champagne; their birthday tradition. Carmilla knew that in movies, standing in front of the grave was supposed to give closure. Now it just made her feel numb.

“...I don’t know what I’m fucking doing here,” she muttered. “You can’t hear me and I’ll never see you again. But I still needed to do this. For me, I guess.” She poured a glass, drank it, and poured another on the grave.

And then she sat down, her back against the gravestone. As she closed her eyes she realized if she tried, she could imagine that the hard stone was actually a smooth, soft chest; the shadows of the branches were a certain beautiful woman’s arms wrapped around her; the wind was her voice whispering in her ear. She remembered every detail of her face, the curve of her body against hers, everything committed to memory.

In that way maybe Laura did live on forever.

The thought made her smile.  ****

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of the sequel to my one shot 'No More Birthdays', which if you haven't read it, is a good piece of fluff to wash out all the angst this piece might have caused. 
> 
> Hope you like it--Read and review!


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